Why You Should Be Upset
- Nina
- May 21, 2018
- 3 min read
It's great to be mature enough to handle disappointment and problems without getting upset, but when taken too far there is a distinctive downside to not being phased by negative outcomes or poor behavior from those around you.
Remember that emotions are feedback. They tell us when things are going well, when things seem off, and when things are definitely not as they should be. Emotions are not good or bad, they just are. And they reflect how we feel about ourselves while experiencing the world around us.
So when something bad happens to us and we feel indifferent, are we just handling it in a mature way or is something else going on?
We're not talking about overreacting or being inconsolable here. We're talking about healthy reactions to negative things that happen in our lives. Being let down by a friend or significant other. Failing a test. Losing a job. Finding out that a loved one's health is deteriorating. Sure, some people out there can see the bright side in every scenario, but I think even they would admit feeling bummed in the moment of finding out something bad or disappointing. But some of us instantly go numb and feel nothing at all. Almost as if we expected it.
This is not being "mature" or "healthy". This is accepting negative things as normal and expected in your life. When you stop being upset about bad things happening in your life, that's when there is a problem. That means you've accepted it. That means action is no longer being taken. The "Eh, whatever, that's just the way it is" mentality is dangerous.
I discovered this when contemplating my own life. I had a relationship many years ago where I was treated very poorly. Some terrible things happened, but in hindsight I'm not really upset about it. When put into words it was logically horrific, but it didn't really matter to me. It didn't seem like a big deal, and I wasn't sure why. Shouldn't it be? Shouldn't I be blistering mad at the thought of what happened?
I'd accepted it. And not in a healthy "forgiveness" kind of way, but in a way that just brushes off the importance of ME in general. It didn't seem like a big deal because it had only happened to me. Little ole me. Not a loved one, not someone I cared about, but just me. And I can handle it, and it doesn't really matter.
See the problem here? When something bad happens and you feel indifferent, you're making a statement about what you accept about yourself and accept into your life. You're saying that you expect to be treated poorly, and that it is okay. If you went after your dreams and failed and you decide it is fine, you're accepting that you don't deserve your dreams. If someone treats you poorly and you're fine with it, you are accepting that you deserve to be treated like garbage. There is no action, no resolution, no lesson, no growth, nothing, just resigning to staying small and deciding that you don't deserve love, respect and fulfillment. That is not okay. That is not "mature".
What your "indifference" MEANS is important. Don't take it at face value and just decide you are being mature by not overreacting. Take a deeper look. WHY is it okay? Is it because you have acknowledged the wrongdoing or the disappointment, have learned the lesson, and are making a plan to move forward? Or is it because you're selling yourself short? You don't want to make a big deal out of it because it is just you?
If someone treats you poorly, you should be upset. It should feel bad. Because that is your feedback system telling you that how you were treated is NOT OKAY. If you miss out on an opportunity, or your dream feels like it is slipping away, you SHOULD be upset, because that is NOT OKAY. That discontent should help fuel you to work twice as hard to get back on track. Again, emotions are feedback! If you're "fine" with bad things, you are accepting that you don't deserve any better! That is NOT OKAY!
You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to have wonderful things happen in your life. You deserve to make progress on the path to your dreams. Do not let your mind trick you. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
That's different than acceptance.......... clarify difference and clean up terminology....
