Why You Don't Have to be Pessimistic
- Nina
- Apr 16, 2018
- 6 min read
Is the glass half empty or half full? There are a variety of responses for this question. Mine is that it depends on whether the glass is in the middle of being filled up or in the middle of being emptied. Some say it doesn’t matter, as long as there is a pitcher nearby to refill it. Others say half empty or half full.
And that’s the point, right? None of them are wrong. All of them are correct. You get to choose the perspective. You get to choose the meaning.
Nothing inherently has meaning. Getting in a car crash has no meaning. Traffic has no meaning. Failing has no meaning. Succeeding has no meaning. Things only have meaning because we assign it. Meaning only matters to us, because it shapes how we perceive our reality. We have complete control over how we perceive things. The problem is, we aren’t taught this, and so we let patterns, trauma, and statistics color our lives with meaning, which keeps us scared and small, instead of understanding the true power we have and using it to our advantage.
I used to be pretty pessimistic and cynical. I felt like everyone who was optimistic was just denying reality. Living in la la land.
I was wrong.
It takes SO much effort to have a positive outlook. And at one point in my life, it wasn’t even possible. It wasn’t possible because I believed that my perspectives were fact. That they were "right".
As human beings, we are built to identify patterns and avoid threats. This is our primitive nature that kept us from returning to where tigers were waiting to eat us. We remember that last time we were in a similar situation, with similar bushes, similar sounds, and similar time of day – our cousin was eaten by a tiger. So we assign meaning to that sensory input. When that sensory input hits our brains, our brain signals that there is danger, and we need to leave immediately. But the tiger is not always there.
That was great for our cavemen ancestors, but that fear reflex isn’t as helpful now. Now the things that cause our danger lights to start flashing are giving presentations, meetings with problematic colleagues, traffic, deadlines, etc. We receive the sensory input, and we determine that doom is upon us at a very primitive and unconscious level in our brains. And from that, things like pessimism and anxiety flow out.
There are a few things that I want to convince you of in this article:
Your Negative Thoughts Are Not (Always) Right
The first thing I want to convince you of is that you are not (always) right in your pessimism. It is not fact. Have you actually kept track of how many times you were worried and doubted a situation and it turned out to be wrong? Can you think back? Write it down next time. You listen to the voice in your head that says how badly something is going to turn out, and then it is wrong, and yet you trust it to give you the same bad advice the next time, and the next time, and yet another time after that? That’s a little crazy, isn’t it? If it were a separate person, a friend, you would probably stop talking to them altogether. At the very least, you would probably stop telling them about situations that you know they will be negative about. They’re wrong and it isn’t helpful, it just instills worry within you for no reason.
Your Belief Affects Your Outcome
The second thing I’d like to convince you of is that, even if you were right and things went wrong, your belief probably affected how it turned out. Let’s use a job interview as an example. Don’t you think whether or not you feel confident and positive when going into an interview makes a difference? People can feel your energy. It shows up in your enthusiasm, the realness of your smile, your posture, and just the overall vibe you give off. If you show up to an interview feeling like you’ll never get hired, you’re probably right. If you show up to that interview with healthy confidence and pride, engaging with the interviewer and being present in the moment, you will likely get the job, or at least make a great impression and make them consider it. That happens all the time. Your belief matters. It affects situations.
Let’s use one more example. I’m going to keep this one abstract. Suppose there is a problem, and you don’t think there is any way to fix it. With a relationship, a task at work, a scheduling conflict – anything. You’ve just determined, no, there is no way to do this. In your mind, you’re looking for all the reasons to back up your conclusion. If you think there is no way to do something, you will find only reasons why it cannot be done. That’s how our mind works. It looks for things to support the unspoken questions or theories we have. It filters our sensory input and makes us pay attention to the input that supports what we think. I’m sure we’ve heard that a lot these days concerning politics, or those interactive videos online that tell you to count how many red cars drive by, and at the end ask you how many blue cars there were. You don’t know, because you were looking for the red cars! It’s all the same. So anyways, now let’s say your belief is that this “thing” that can’t be done MUST have a solution. It simply must. And you’re going to find it. Guess what? Now your mind is actively seeking ways to resolve the situation. Now you will see connections and options that were not there before. It may not be a perfect solution, but it will be something. And honestly, when is there ever a perfect solution? Not much of the time. But it is much better than giving up.
You Will Be Okay, Regardless
So far I have hopefully convinced you that your pessimism is usually wrong and that your belief in your pessimism is actually tainting and creating the experience that you don’t want. The third thing I want to convince you of is that you will be okay, even if the worst happens. Now, “okay” does not mean everything will be the way it has been, or that it is even good, but it does mean you will live to see another day. Think of the worst case scenario that could ever happen. You lose your job, your house, your spouse leaves you, and you go bankrupt. That is a terrible situation. Terrible. But guess what? You will be okay. It will be hard, and there will be shame, and struggle, but you will be able to survive. Actually, it could get even worse than that (unlikely for most of us), but stay with me. My point is that, whatever inconvenience you are experiencing – trouble at work, a breakup, a loss – you will survive. This part is not meant to work through your emotions (see other blog posts for that), but merely to factually remind you that you will survive. From here, you can know that whatever pessimistic thing you are thinking, it will work out okay. You can handle it. Whatever it is. Because even if something as terrible as losing everything happens, you would still be okay.
By understanding all this, the pessimism loses its power. Its power is in telling you that things will not be okay. It tells you that it is right, it will happen, and everything will be terrible after it happens. But it is not right, it will only happen if you believe it will happen, and even if it did happen, you would be okay.
So let’s take this a step further now.
Focus On Things That Move You Forward
Pessimism does not help you. You can now see that pessimism is a perspective that you choose, and that it literally does you no good. Focus on things that will move you forward. Focus on concepts, questions, and ideas that move you forward. And guess what kinds of ideas those are? Positive ones. Positive thinking. Not in an “I’m ignoring reality and going to assume everything is wonderful” kind of way, rather by seeing every challenge as an opportunity to grow, understanding that you simply cannot afford to think negatively because it will ruin things even more, and building confidence in yourself that you can get through anything. Having faith in yourself. Reframing things such that you can be asking the right questions so that your mind will be seeking out the right answers.
Your perspective is merely a tool. Are you using it to hurt or help you and your life?
