What to Say to Someone with Anxiety
- Nina
- Mar 16, 2018
- 2 min read
There are a lot of articles out there about what you shouldn't say to someone with anxiety, depression, etc. but where are the articles about what you SHOULD say? Whether or not you understand why certain common responses can aggravate someone in their emotional state, by not providing the tools to help someone going through a rough time, we are leaving both the supporter and supportee in the same position as when they started. No real help has been given.
So let me take a stab at it!
What you should say to someone with anxiety:
"I understand." People want to feel heard and understood. When they are freaking out, it helps to have someone validate that they're not crazy. Sure, you don't need validation from others, but this is an emergency situation and if you want to help, that's what you do: validate.
"I know this is really bad, but I also know you're strong enough to handle this." Don't minimize the pain. Don't minimize how bad things are. Emphasize their strength and intelligence.
"Let it out." Let them know it is safe to express their emotions and thoughts that are bulldozing their brain like a bull in a china shop.
"Your health is more important. Make sure you're taking care of yourself." Whatever they are upset about is their entire life right now. Remind them to take care of themselves. Remind them they're allowed to. You may get push back, but this is still helpful to hear.
"How can I help?"
In my experience, usually the person can't help. But in some cases, I'm sure they can. A mother overwhelmed with responsibilities would benefit from the father taking on some of them. A co-worker drowning in deadlines would benefit from delegating some tasks to others. Or maybe even grabbing someone lunch or running a quick errand for them may help alleviate some of the apocalyptic feelings they are having. Only say this if you are willing to help, obviously. But taking some items off their plate would help things feel more manageable.
"I know how hard you're working. It's impressive. You're doing great. I appreciate it."
A lot of times we feel like as much as we try, we are not living up to our own expectations. We work and work and work, and yet things keep slipping. We keep looking forward at the mountain of issues ahead of us, and don't have time to acknowledge how much we already accomplished. We feel like a failure because everything is not complete yet. If appropriate, tell the person that you see how hard they are working. Tell them it is noticed. Tell them how appreciative you are for all the hard work they are putting in, and compliment them on what they have done already. This will help them remember that they are doing well and can handle whatever else comes.
That's all I've got, can anyone think of more?
