How to Want Things in Life
- Nina
- Dec 26, 2017
- 4 min read
So many times I have searched Google for some sort of article on Personal Growth for how to actually WANT things. I’ve had such a problem wanting or desiring anything in life, because I’ve had limiting beliefs around deserving things and being labeled ungrateful, which made it impossible for me to WANT anything. I’ve prided myself on not wanting or needing anything all my life. I thought I was being good, the opposite of spoiled, etc. Once I realized this wasn’t healthy, I worked hard to correct this. I worked hard to make peace with the concept of gratitude, and I truly am grateful for everything I have now without being bitter about needs that are/were unmet. But now the next step – what do I want? I have no idea! I had no idea how to Google this topic, and all I found were forums on depression and things unrelated to my phrase. While those would help some, that isn’t what I’m looking for. I’m looking for perspectives or practical steps to work towards getting in touch with my wants, desires, goals, dreams, etc.
So since nothing sufficient exists on this topic, let me put something out there to get us started.
Daydream
This feels silly and pointless, but to get my creative juices flowing, I decided to force myself to have little daydreams. Imagine myself as a pop star in an elaborately decorated mansion, waking up to the sun shining through beautiful drapes. Imagine myself as a badass action hero called upon to save some idiots from whatever mischief they got themselves into. Image myself as a famous dancer on tour with a band, performing on massive stages with tons of fans. Try to come up with as many details as possible. It isn’t necessarily that I desperately want any of these things to become a legit reality, but you can toy with different ideas and see how it feels. Maybe one day one of these daydreams will resonate surprisingly deeply and you’ll have some guidance as to what you should work towards! But the important thing is to practice “wanting” things on this tiny scale.
Take it day by day
Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to figure it all out all at once. You won’t be able to, and you’re not supposed to. Life is all about little lessons spread out over time. Wherever you are right now, that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be. So just take it day by day. It doesn’t have to be big and epic. Maybe just go for a walk, go for a cup of coffee, read a chapter in that book, go to the gym. Something small. It may give you a bigger idea - it may put you in a position of meeting someone or having a conversation that is a bigger opportunity.
Discover through doing, not thinking
When you do come up with some ideas, don’t take too long thinking about it. Just do it. We don’t learn and grow from over-analyzing things, we learn from experience. Just do the thing! If it doesn’t work out, then you learned something and had an interesting experience to talk about. If it does work out, great! Either way, doing things is how you fine-tune what you want. You can’t sit there in a vacuum thinking of every possibility. You can’t imagine every scenario in your head. Stop thinking you can. You don’t know what will happen. So live life! Go do it! Live with a sense of wonder, experience life with the mind of a child – like you have no idea what to expect and everything is miraculous. Pay attention to every little detail. Savor every moment.
Ask yourself the right questions
The human mind is a brilliant thing. Whatever questions or beliefs it has, it will find things to support it. So make sure you are asking the right questions. If you’re wondering how things will go wrong, you will find it. If you’re wondering how things will go right, you’ll find it. So instead of telling yourself that life is boring, that nothing works out, that you don’t know what you want – ask yourself: How can I experience wonder today? How can I have fun today? How can I experience connection today? How can I find a fun recipe to try? How do I find fun events around me? Then you will gravitate towards FINDING THE ANSWERS. And those are fantastic questions to find answers to!
Get inspired
Read books, watch movies, have conversations – indulge in someone else’s experience to get inspired and embrace ideas around whatever you seem to be stuck in. Eat Pray Love, Wild, Super Soul Sunday – find something inspiring to feed your hope and show you there is something on the other side of what you are experiencing. Sometimes we just need to not feel alone and remember that this frustration is only temporary and could have such a beautiful purpose when we look back on it one day.
Music and dance
Listen to music! Find something that currently resonates with you. Maybe you feel stuck because you aren’t acknowledging your anger. Maybe you aren’t acknowledging your sensuality. Maybe you aren’t acknowledging your disappointment and sense of betrayal. Find something that speaks to you, and blast it! Feel it! Dance! Be free! Express yourself! That might just be all you need to get in touch with yourself and get the ideas and goals flowing. You never know!
Meditate
When it doubt, meditate! Get still. Let the thoughts come and pass through. When your mind wanders, just compassionately bring it back. Use a meditation app, your own favorite program, or by yourself. Try Kundalini yoga. Listen. Feel. Connect. Get some clarity. It’ll help remove the frustration and stress you are putting on yourself, and it just may allow what is important to you to float to the surface.
That’s all I’ve got for now. These are things that I try. It was actually really helpful for me to write this list, because some of them I had forgotten. I’m going to go try some right now!
What do you do when you feel stuck or like you don't know what you want?
